Ever wonder what happens in the ladies toilets? "Sick, sex and secrets", say the badass team behind 'The Ladies Loo Chronicles', currently showing at theSpace. Set in a sticky club toilet, this female-powered comedy follows three friends, Megan, Lydia and Winnie as they tackle millennialism and misogyny, all while trapped in a loo, thanks to Megan's mother-of-all-periods.

Hailing from London, the crew behind Ladies Loo (Cows and Kisses Theatre Company and Mind Out Theatre) are clearly comedy experts, but here at Fringebiscuit we wondered whether their talents extended to reviewing. Toilets, that is. So, naturally, we sent them on a mystery tour of some of the best (and worst) loos in Edinburgh...

FRINGEBISCUIT PROUDLY PRESENTS:

The Ladies Loo Tour of the Edinburgh Fringe

Reviewed by the cast and creative team of The Ladies Loo Chronicles

Writer, Co-producer, character of MEGAN | Flora London
Character of WINNIE | Savanna Griffiths
Character of LYDIA | Evangeline Dickson
Director, Co-producer | Evangeline Osbon

1. Public Toilet, Middle Meadow Walk

"Edgy af, but you might get an STI…"

“Is that a urinal or a water fountain?”

"The mirrors are literally sheets of metal, but we still took a selfie in it — no-one’s looking fleeky when the mirror’s creaky.”

“I feel scared and sad.”

“Yanasty” (Winnie’s go-to phrase in the play)

TAMPON RATING: 0.5/5 Tampons

2. The Hilton Edinburgh Carlton, North Bridge

"Ultimate girl-band mirror." #SLAY

"Serene and sensual music– You could definitely have sex in those toilets, OI OI!"

"Large floor to ceiling doors — No-one will hear you plop. Push. Don’t stop! (Only we could make pooing sexual...)"

"These flannels ain’t for ya face, they’re for your dirty hands"

"Deffo enough space to whip out your yoga mat." #Yogisparadise

“Am in Edinburgh, or am I in Hawaii?” #Chillzone

TAMPON RATING: 4/5 Tampons

3. Public Toilet, Hunter Square

“The only thing you're dumping here is your haggis” (No offence – we actually don’t think it’s too bad!)

“I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.”

"Great place to bin your exes, no [tampon] strings attached."

“It made my ovaries boil” (Play quote from Lydia)

"Terrible toilet to go to. Period."

TAMPON RATING: Unrateable

4. The White Hart Inn, Grassmarket

“Queue for the loo was a piss-take. Double entendre and that ‘cos it smelt like piss. You get me?"

"It was very wet, but not in a good way…"

"So homely the cubicle had its own heater, but they need to sort out the warm poo smell"

"Tampons and condoms were readily available; everything you need for a good night out, ayyyyyyyy"

TAMPON RATING: 3/5 Tampons

5. The Edinburgh Grand Hotel, Andrew Square

“Felt so relaxed, my poo literally fell out.”

"Photo-shoot heaven, vogue for days"

"Poo with a view, hehe"

“Perfect spot for an afternoon meditation”

“I feel like I could raise a family here”

"You’ll leave feeling like the ultimate Bog Queen"

TAMPON RATING: 5/5 Tampons

IN SUMMARY

Our favourite Edinburgh Toilet is hands down,The Grand. We are plugging it on the Royal Mile more than our show to be honest. We are very passionate about this toilet because we felt like renewed women, afresh with a new sense of serenity and nice smelling hands. If you are ever feeling down, head to this toilet – you go up in a lift and everything!

If you can’t make it to those toilets, however, come to our show at 12.40 at theSpace, Hilton Hotel on Northbridge [not 12th] or at 23.20 at theSpace, Surgeons Hall, Theatre 3. Tickets here.

Love from,
The Ladies Loo Chronicles [the Ultimate Bog Queens]

The Ladies Loo Tour of Edinburgh